


Miss you...

by Shirohimesstories



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Emotional Hurt, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-10-05
Packaged: 2018-04-25 00:13:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4939300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shirohimesstories/pseuds/Shirohimesstories
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Shizaya) One-shot<br/>(Going to visit him again?) Celty asked. "Just… one more time. ", the blond replied smiling before walking out of the door. The bespectacled beamed like a Christmas tree. "Ne Celty, he smiled! He is over it!" The dullahan however shook her helmet sadly as she typed, making the doctor pause. (Can't you see it?) Shinra frowned. "See what...?" (He is dying inside...)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Miss you...

**Author's Note:**

> Warning- You might sob your eyes out xD

(Going to visit him again?)

It was the first thing the dullahan asked, the moment Shizuo made to leave the doctor´s apartment.

Shizuo paused, wondering for a second, just wondering how…

How did she know?

He could just be out for a walk or something. Or just go home for that matter.

But no, she knew immediately where he was heading to.

Wait…

Had she seen him?

…. Heh for sure she had.

Only for a second he crossed eyes with her. No doubt.

He had been shot today, just once in the stomach. Shinra patched him up.

Like usual. That´s the reason he was here in the first place.

Heh, it was nothing anyway... he didn´t even feel the pain, the guys Izaya had hired in the past had done way worse to him.

Now it was just calm.

Really calm.

Almost no-one was trying to pick a fight with him anymore.

…if he had to give a reason… it was probably because he got calm as well.

No raging anymore.

No getting angry…

Actually... he wasn´t feeling anything anymore to begin with.

Because … what for?

He had been taken away. He, the one he hated, he the one that made him annoyed, angry, raging, destroying the city- he… that was his lover.

Was.

Past tense.

"Just… one more time. ", the blond replied quiet, keeping the forced smile in place. He was aware Celty would see through it. But he didn´t want her last memory of him to be a sad expression.

A sad nod was the only thing he received from the urban legend though.

And so he left.

The bespectacled, having stood right next to the dullahan beamed like a Christmas tree when the door closed.

"Ne Celty, he smiled! He is getting over it!"

He was delighted. Since the incident he hadn´t smiled at all. Not once.

Hell he hadn´t even showed a single shred of emotion during that time.

Sure it was a forced one, but hey he tried at least!

That meant he was getting better!

"He is only going there one more time- maybe he can finally... accept it…?" he mumbled, eyes growing soft, but yet a bit sad.

Shizuo had been going through so much pain.

Shinra didn´t even want to imagine it.

Losing his loved one in a way that cruel…

He hugged his wife. She didn´t object. No elbow to the guts, no nothing.

He could sense she felt the same thing too.

She too was probably thinking about how she would feel if he were to be gone.

While his death hadn´t hit them so hard, for Shizuo… it was... unbearable.

He couldn´t imagine losing Celty.

He couldn´t imagine what kind of hell Shizuo must be feeling this entire time.

He hadn´t even been getting angry. No matter how anybody teased him. Even if someone approached him, the most he would do was just go away.

Just so… unemotional and cold.

It wasn´t like Shizuo. He was worried about the blond... but now-

"It´s getting better now… right?" he mumbled hopefully.

The dullahan, however, shook her helmet sadly as she typed, making the doctor pause.

(Can´t you see it?) Shinra frowned. See?

He let go of his beloved, eyeing her with new worry.

"See what...?"

She lowered her head, sadness radiating from her as she typed slowly.

…

(He is dying inside...)

.

.

.

__****

-On a graveyard. Shizuo´s point of view.-

****

It was cold.

****

So cold.

****

An icy wind was blowing, rustling through the lifeless trees.

****

The leaves had long fallen down and there was snow to be seen on some parts of the dead grass.

****

Melting, covering, snowing, freezing... winter was coming.

****

How long again?

****

Silent he stood there, wondering right in front of the grave.

****

How long has it been?

****

It felt like an eternity since... since Izaya died.

****

…

****

… 1 month.

****

1 month since that incident.

****

Only one.

****

But it had felt… he couldn´t describe it.

****

He couldn´t describe this feeling.

****

This devastation.

****

Just nothing seemed to make any sense anymore.

****

Everyday.

****

Everyday he had visited the grave.

****

How could he not.

****

…

****

He wanted to see him.

****

He had to see him.

****

…

****

He still lived there.

****

In that place.

****

Their apartment.

****

Their.

****

Izaya had bought it despite him arguing that he shouldn´t use his money.

****

They had lived there, for a short while yes.

****

Only short.

****

They were together for two weeks.

****

Just two… he swallowed hard.

****

But they were happy.

****

Happy.

****

He smiled sad.

****

Really happy.

****

So happy.

****

So perfect.

****

And yet…

****

…

****

He couldn´t stand it.

****

"Everyday…" he started.

****

He didn´t know when he started that habit.

****

But he started talking to Izaya.

****

By his grave.

****

Knowing he wouldn't hear, knowing he wouldn´t respond.

****

Because he was dead.

****

He would never respond again.

****

Never again would he hear his taunting voice, his witty remarks.

****

Shizu-chan~

****

Tears trickled down his face as he remembered that voice.

****

That voice he loved so much.

****

That man that belonged to him.

****

He loved.

****

He loved.

****

It hurt.

****

"… Every day." He started again, clearing his throat, and forced a smile. He didn´t want to make Izaya sad.

****

"...Everyday, I wake up and you... you aren´t there..."

****

Sadness still consorted his expression as he got on his knees and rested his head on the cold lifeless gravestone.

****

"Ne Izaya…. I miss you... I miss you a lot." He mumbled, not being able to stop the hot tears rolling down his cheeks.

****

"I just can´t believe it... I can´t believe you just... Won´t be there anymore." He felt a lump in his throat, his voice getting raspy.

****

Right.

****

Not there anymore.

****

Never.

****

It killed him.

****

Why?

****

Just why did it have to be him?

****

Why?

****

Why now?

****

Why hadn´t it hit him?

****

Why couldn´t he die instead of the raven?

****

Why?

****

He swallowed a lump before trying to speak again.

****

"… Yesterday… I dreamed of you Izaya…" he started, trying to wipe those tears away.

****

A small smile found it´s way to the corner of his lips.

****

"I was chasing you like usual… you sure are a cocky little flea, you were running around and even jumping from one roof to the next. Of course, you always do that." He rubbed gently over the engraved name on the stone, as if he could somehow transfer the touch to his dead lover.

****

"Oi Izaya, remember that time?" he asked, not expecting an answer.

****

"The day the chase ended so different from usual…?" he smiled, eyes getting watery again.

****

"8 years Izaya, we spent 8 years hating each other. And then... then you just had to go and say it." He sniffed.

****

"I was surprised you know. Suddenly hearing that from the man I thought about the most because damn, you were always on my mind. I thought I hated you at first, but hell I knew that wasn´t true. Our chases were like a game of tag. I just hated losing… but not you." He chuckled, swallowing the lump in his throat.

****

"I didn´t seriously hate you Izaya. I didn´t."

****

…

****

"You know, when you said you were placing everything on one card... I actually thought you would try to kill me." He chuckled, remembering his thoughts at that moment.

****

"I thought you would pull out a gun or something and try to kill me for real. You know how surprised I was when you kissed me?" he laughed a bit.

****

"And then you ran. Fucking louse, you ran away because you were a scared cat." he picked up a rotten leaf from the ground, twisting it between his thumbs.

****

"Of course I chased you. How could I not? I bet you thought I was out to kill you." He twisted it. Bits and parts crumbling from the fragile frame and falling to the ground.

****

"…but not this time. You were not getting away this time. I caught you… and grabbed a hold of your wrist. I couldn´t let you go because hah... as weird as it sounds, I felt the same. I felt the same for so long. I kissed you again."

****

He still remembered it.

****

That expression. He grabbed a hold of that wrist, as if life depended on it. Only to find a crying Izaya at the end of it.

****

Crying huh?

****

He wouldn't have thought the flea was so emotional. He remembered that glare.

****

Those words spat in hatred.

****

Because he thought it was one-sided love.

****

He stabbed him in the arm, trying to get him to let go.

****

Shizuo felt a tiny bit guilty that time for not being able to say anything right away.

****

It was obvious the flea was heartbroken and sad and Aahh... but he couldn´t stop staring.

****

He couldn´t believe something that... good would happen to him.

****

And then he did it.

****

It was on impulse.

****

Another smile found its way onto his face.

****

"I still remember that face you made... so surprised... you never saw that coming did you?"

****

He remembered it all.

****

Those surprised beautiful ruby eyes. Those soft lips. The lean arms wrapping around his neck as he melted into the kiss.

****

The hesitation.

****

He knew the flea couldn´t process what happened yet.

****

To be honest, he even felt kinda triumphant.

****

Because in a way, he finally got the flea.

****

Just as he always said he would.

****

"I dreamed about that Izaya. I dreamed abut how we went home together, about our first night together… your beautiful expression, your voice, your smile, everything."

****

Oh yes. Everything.

****

God how beautiful, how perfect… how awkward.

****

He chuckled, remembering he actually saw the raven blush.

****

He was nervous that time.

****

He didn´t know what to expect.

****

He bet the raven never ever thought that far.

****

Well he did neither, but it wasn´t like he cared.

****

Izaya was there, Izaya was his, and he would just do what he felt like.

****

And so the evening ended in the most beautiful way.

****

He claimed his raven in so many ways.

****

He was his.

****

Forever and ever.

****

He would never let him go.

****

He would never leave.

****

Because they had found a place where they belonged.

****

They belonged to each other.

****

"It was really beautiful. You were beautiful. You were perfect. It felt so right…" Shizuo smiled, crumbling the last piece of the leaf and let it fall to the ground.

****

…

****

"… and then I woke up…"

****

The wind picked up, rustled through leaves and suddenly nothing was to be heard.

****

Nothing… except the silent sobs of the blond.

****

"… I searched for you." Sadness, longing, emptiness, love, everything lingered in his quiet whisper.

****

"I fucking searched for you Izaya... I woke up and searched…"

****

Drip

****

"Only... only to realize that... That you... You are no longer here..."

****

Tears.

****

Drip drop

****

"There was no good morning smile, no soft good morning kiss, and no pancakes smell filling the air…"

****

Relentlessly they flowed.

****

Drip drop drip

****

"I rolled around to hug you, only to find my bed cold."

****

He didn´t have the strength to hold them back anymore.

****

"I forgot... I forgot you died … Izaya…"

****

He couldn´t bear it anymore.

****

"I forgot... I forgot that... that you weren´t there anymore."

****

And so they spilled over.

****

"That you were never coming home through that door again."

****

Because he just couldn´t.

****

"That there was no-one anymore who would call me Shizu-chan.."

****

Really couldn´t.

****

"No one to say Shizu-chan, I love you,"

****

Couldn´t take it anymore.

****

"No one to say, Shizu-chan you´re stupid… Shizu-chan you are a brute, Shizu-chan... don´t cry…"

****

Sobs whacked his defeated body and mind.

****

"No-one…"

****

A slight shudder ruptured through the blond´s body. He leaned forward and held onto the grave stone. A painful cough tore from his lips and he covered his mouth.

****

A relieved smile played over his lips as he spotted crimson in his palm.

****

"Heh… Seems it works." He wiped away the tears.

****

"Izaya… I miss you…" he whispered.

****

"I miss you…" another cough ripped from his throat making him wince.

****

"…too much."

****

Vermillion was slowly dripping down the corner of his lips.

****

The coughing picked up. It hurt to breath.

****

Feeling dizzy he leaned onto the grave stone. His head tilted upwards and he watched the grey sky.

****

"Sorry for leaving you alone for so long... Izaya…" Clouds were moving by fast. He could almost make out the real sky behind them.

****

"I will come to see you now, okay? Okay?"

****

Tears stung in his eyes. "Heh... I am chasing you yet again. But what can I do? I just can not, not chase you."

****

He smiled as tears rolled down his face.

****

He could feel it. His chest it hurt.

****

His breathing was getting shallower by the second.

****

He should have left a note for Shinra to lock his medication cupboard the next time he left a patient in alone in his room.

****

Not that it would have stopped him.

****

He smiled guilty, looking up.

****

"… I bet you´re going to get angry. So, so angry. I bet you will yell at me."

****

He coughed once more, vision fading.

****

"Heh... I can´t wait for it."

****

The surroundings were getting darker and his body felt numb and cold.

****

"Once more…"

****

He couldn´t really feel it anymore.

****

"Once more Izaya…"

****

His eyes slid close.

****

"Once... more…"

****

The world faded.

****

"Izaya… "

****

…

_Please be there_

**Author's Note:**

> END x3  
> I know it´s evil to want that, but… did I make you cry? X3 I hope I did xD haha... gosh I am really evil x3 Dunno what to say xD  
> I guess you didn´t "like" the story for I killed them off both xD But, hey xD I still hope you will leave some reviews xD Even if you just tell me how evil I am in them xDDD


End file.
